Ed vs Mustang
by Ermanil
Summary: Ed sues Mustang for the short jokes. inspired by a video on youtube. OOC and may be a collection of short stories. Crack fic if you will. R&R and enjoy!
1. Ed vs Mustang: Round 2

EEK: This is a one shot and was inspired from watching a musiv vid on youtube consisting of Fullmetal Alchemist and Weird Al's song I'll sue you

EEK: This is a one shot and was inspired from watching a musiv vid on youtube consisting of Fullmetal Alchemist and Weird Al's song I'll sue you. Decided what exactly would happen if the new government gave the power to sue to the people.

I did not put the whole song in here, mainly just the last one. So not really a song fic.

WARNING: Crack fic with oocness. Second one, although, I don't think this is very funny. Mainly a one-shot and my FIRST Fullmetal fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything found in this fic. No FMA or weird Al lyrics (which are italicized).

Enjoy!

**Ed vs. Mustang: round 2**

Ed was looking at the new document that was given to him. Since the military was not in control anymore, than the new government made a few changes. And this was what document was saying. a new change that empowered the people a little more.

"We can sue now? Hmm…" Ed muttered.

Al looked at Ed fearing what he was thinking. "Brother, you're not thinking of sueing people are you?"

"Why not Al? After we got your body back, I need something to do. Let's see...who should I sue first?" Ed thought a moment.

"Brother, I thought we looking for a way to bring your limbs back too…" Al asked, trailing off and seeing that Ed was too much in deep thought.

Ed just looked around until the phone rang. "Edward Elric." Ed answered.

"Wasn't that a bit _short_ on the greeting?" a voice on the other end remarked waiting for a reaction.

"Who are you calling…" Here Ed stopped his rant and decided who his first victim would be.

"Fullmetal?" The voice on the end asked at the sudden silence.

_I'll sue ya!  
I'll take all of your money  
I'll sue ya!  
If you even look at me funny_

"I gotta go. You wanted to talk right? I'll be there in just a few moments." Ed replied hanging up with a grin to be feared on his face.

He took a look at the letter again looking for what he needed to do. Finding what he wanted he looked at Al and motioned for him to follow. They went to the place where you go if you want to sue someone. After waiting in line for a while, they were given a piece of paper and told to fill it out. Ed took the paper and sat down with Al.

"Brother, you're not really going to sue the general, are you?"

"Of course Al. He's had the last of his amusement at my expense." Ed replied looking down at the paper and began to fill it out.

Name: Edward Elric

Person suing: General Roy Mustang

Reason: short jokes

Witness: Alphonse Elric

After filling in a few other small areas, such as birth date and rank and such, he turned it. They told him it would be ready by the end of the day.

_I'm gonna sue, sue  
Yes, I'm gonna sue  
Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do  
I'm gonna sue, sue  
Yes, I'm gonna sue  
Sue, sue, that's right I'm gonna sue you_

Once they left the building they heading to the General's office. Even though they got Al's body back and he and Al found a way back through the gate, they were still under Mustang. Ed hoped that he would get see the look on the generals face when he found out that one of his subordinates was suing him.

They made their usual entrance. Ed throwing the door open and Al followed. Mustang noticed a slightly off Al, and a much too happy Ed. Leaning back in his chair he was ready to hand them an assignment. It was not something that he could just hand over to one of the new alchemists because it involved much more than an amateur's touch.

"Fullmetal, this is your next assignment. The government specifically asked for you and seeing the assignment I can see why." Mustang said in way of greeting.

As Ed took it and looked at it a knock was heard.

"Come in." Mustang called.

The door opened and there was an official with piece of paper in hand. He walked up to the desk and handed the paper to Mustang.

"This is for you General." The messenger replied before walking backward quickly in fear of getting flamed.

Ed, who had just finished and saw the man turn and walk quickly out, smirked. He looked at Mustang to see his reaction and was filled with glee. This was indeed what he was thinking.

"Hmm came sooner than expected." Ed remarked.

"Edward…This is the most ridiculous thing you have done."

"yeah yeah. See ya in court General." Ed turned and walked out with only a hand wave as a farewell. The date was apparently set for the next day and he needed to prepare.

Next day at the appointed time

Ed and Mustang walked in and took their respective seats. They waited with only Al and Mustangs other subordinates in the room. Once the official was ready they began.

"Edward Elric, you are suing General Mustang because of short jokes?" The official asked in disbelief.

"Hey, when you've been hearing them come from him for 5 years, yeah I say it's about time I take his money."

_I'll sue ya!  
I'll take all of your money  
I'll sue ya!  
If you even look at me funny_

"General?" The official invited.

"He is my subordinate. You can ask any of my subordinates, I joke around with them all the time." Mustang replied. "Besides, how can you not enjoy taunting someone of his lack of stature?"

Sighing the Official waved it off. Looking at Ed he continued. "What are your terms?"

"Half of his money, a rank, ban from alchemy AND ban him from the short jokes."

Mustang at this glared at Ed. He knew Ed was crazy, but this was pushing it. The official rubbed his temples preventing a headache. This was the most ridiculous case he's had so far. He came to a conclusion.

"Mustang you are banned from any short jokes and you owe Mr Elric a 2000 cens." The official stated.

"What? That's a rip off! That's not 5 years worth of short jokes!" Ed protested.

"Looks like you still can't beat me mid…Fullmetal." Mustang replied preventing himself from saying 'midget'.

"This case is closed." The official walked out of the room looking for some painkillers.

Mustang walked over to Ed and handed over the required money. Ed took it and walked out with Al following behind _trying_ to cheer his brother up from his supposed 'loss'.

"General, was it really necessary to talk to the official before hand?" Hawkeye asked as she stepped forward followed by the others.

"It's not like I bribed him. Just told him ahead of time. A warning of sorts." Mustang chuckled.

He walked out with his subordinates talking about his supposed 'win'. However, the official outcome is that it was a tie.

The End

EEK: Hope you enjoyed. Please review.


	2. Ed vs Mustang: Round 3

EEK: ok, so I said one shot, but I got a lot of hits, and I just LOVED the reviews! Thanks! So here's somewhat of a sequel. I might add a few more other characters that would sue each other.

Riza vs Mustang: Mustang taking too long to finish paperwork

That is one possible one. However, since I can end this at any time, I may just leave the progress complete and update when possible.

If you wanted to watch the vid, go to youtube and look up FMA: Ed will sue you. Should pop up. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nada, Zip, zenzen.

Chapter 2: Ed vs Mustang round 3

Mustang was in a bad mood and every one of his subordinates knew why. Fullmetal had finally out maneuvered the general, even if in something minor. Of course, them knowing general Mustang he would retaliate. Since he was not allowed any more short jokes, and sending the Elrics on mission was something the brothers looked forward to there was very little left.

Mustang was sitting at his desk thinking. He was aware that Hawkeye was eyeing him and most likely had her hand on her gun ready to pull it out and shoot him if he did not start soon, but he was too busy thinking. Hawkeye and the rest of subordinates were surprised when the general stood up with a mischievous smirk on his face. This was not the 'all knowing' smirk that he usually wears, but something different.

It was getting to be around noon and he figured he had better get this over with. Ed was to return shortly, tomorrow if he was lucky, and he wanted a nice surprise to lie in wait. He had given Ed an easy mission the day after Ed sued him. That was 2 days ago. The train ride wasn't any longer than a full day, and knowing Ed, it wouldn't take more than a day to finish this small mission.

Mustang walked out of the room and walked right up to the office where he was sure Ed went to sue him. The man behind the counter saluted and handed a piece of paper to him. He was warned that the General might come and he was glad he heeded it. He did not want to mess with the General, he knew his reputation.

Mustang took the paper and filled it out.

Name: Roy Mustang

Rank: General

Suing who: Major Edward Elric

Reason for sueing: Being short

He again filled out a few other items and handed it back. The man behind the counter took it and barely managed from crying out in surprise. The General walked out of the room and back to his office. Once he arrived there he was bombarded with questions.

"You sued Ed didn't you sir?"

"What did Ed do this time?"

"Where'd you go Chief?"

Some of these where just a few questions that were asked.

"I did sue Ed. What hasn't Ed done? I went to the building where you sue people, where else?" Mustang answered.

"So when is this going to take place sir?" Hawkeye asked.

"Who knows. Probably not long. A day or two I'm guessing." Mustang answered going back to his desk.

Now that he was going to get Fullmetal back, he slowly did his work. Slowly as in, 1 paper every 2 hours, slow. Hawkeye, who was just glad that _some_ work was getting done, was not as threatening with her gun. Unless Roy had a previous engagement with a girl, or something dealing with Alchemy, this was probably the best she'd get out him.

After the day flew by and Roy had yet to finish the papers, he dismissed the others and Hawkeye, stating that he'd finish it the following morning. They weren't due till then anyway. The next day Mustang had not even sat down and started his work before the phone rang.

Mustang answered it, "General Mustang's office, Mustang speaking."

"ROY!" the sound at the other end of the phone caused Mustang to pull the phone from his ear lest he become deaf. "I heard what happened. So, finally got beat by a subordinate huh? A kid nonetheless!"

"Hueghs, if you don't want to become a human torch, I suggest you stop." Mustang threatened.

Sure, he was used to this, but Fullmetal didn't win! With the terms that Ed had stated he had lost. Sure, Mustang had to pay Ed, but he figured he won just as much as Ed had, if not more. Hueghs continued with what he was saying when a Mustang's office door was thrown open.

"Sounds like he has just arrived. I'll talk to ya later Roy." Hueghs hung up.

Mustang heard what Hueghs had to say and so he put his grin back on his face and faced Fullmetal.

"Ah Fullmetal, I hope to receive your repor-" Here he was cut off.

Ed walked right up to the General planted two pieces of paper on his desk. One of which was his report. He was bored on the train back and decided he might as well. That was one lecture that he could avoid. However, upon arrival he was introduced to a note saying the Roy had sued him.

_I'll sue ya!  
I'll take all of your money  
I'll sue ya!  
If you even look at me funny_

"It's a crime to be short now?" Ed practically yelled.

"Brother calm down. I'm sure the colonel has a very valid reason." Al responded.

'Even despite the fact that Al is younger, he acts older and more mature than Ed does.' Hawkeye thought looking at the scene.

"Yeah, and I bet it's because he lost to me, when I sued him." Ed replied looking Mustang right in the eyes.

"I won that one just as much as you did Fullmetal." Mustang said calmly. "I was tempted to sue you for turning in your reports late, but I guess I can't do that this time around."

"I had a very valid reason to sue you. This has no validity to it at all!" Ed protested.

"Looks like I'll see you in court once again tomorrow Fullmetal." Mustang Commented before waving a dismissal.

Ed walked out and back to his and Al's place. He was going to win this one fair and square. Round one he had won. He wanted to fight Mustang for his assessment and came out victorious. If only because Mustang hesitated because of what he saw during the Ishbal Massacre.

He sat at the table and prepared his defense. They were now even and this one would determine who won.

"Brother, just give this up. This is going to continue forever. Once Colonel Mustang is Fuehrer then you'll be in big trouble." Al tried to reason his brother out of his constant rivalry with Mustang.

Used to Al calling Mustang colonel he responded. "As long as I'm under him, I'm never going to hear the end of it. We both hate to lose and therefore this will continue until one of us dies."

Edward had a very good point. This battle of superiority would never end. But he was sure that everyone else was enjoying it just as much as he was.

_I'll sue ya!  
Ha-ha ha ha-haa  
I'll sue ya!  
What'chall think of that?_

That night Ed lay awake, thinking. Roy had taken just a few days to retaliate against him. Ed wasn't surprised by that fact, but it seemed like Roy had taken longer than Ed expected him of him. Finally falling asleep he was sure he would win this time as well.

The next day arrived a bit too early for both Ed and Roy, but they were both up and at the courtroom on time. Al had to literally drag his brother from the bed to be there on time, and Roy had to convince Hawkeye to finish his work. He did not realize it was so early until he was told that he'd be late. They took their respective places and waited. The courtroom was empty save for the few people that could not leave the two alchemists' sides. Al came with Ed, and the rest of Roy's subordinates also showed.

"Nice to see you two again…" The official sighed knowing this was going to get ugly.

It was the same official that had done the last one and, even though he wasn't told what to expect, he knew what to expect. At least if the first time was any indication. Granted he had heard of the famous fights between these two, but to take it to court…that just seemed a bit too far.

"Just hurry it up. I'm still tired." Ed stated sitting down and yawning.

"If you wish Major Elric. General Roy Mustang, you're sueing Ed for being short? Last time I checked that wasn't crime." The official stated.

Ed gave a smirk before he heard what the General replied with, "True, but neither is teasing the vertically challenged."

"Fine. Let's just get this done before all my sanity is gone. Ed, do you have anything to say?"

Ed stood glaring at Roy, "Yeah. I've got a few things. 1" here he held up one finger, "It's not my fault that I'm small. There's actually a very valid reason for that. And 2" here held up his second finger, "You better get your sanity back or get someone else, because this won't be the end."

The official stared wide eyed at Ed knowing full well that he was right. If these two's reputation was anything to go by, he would have to reserve a room in the padded hotel.

'Wait, I don't think we have an insane asylum…' The official thought before returning to the present.

"General Mustang. What are your terms?" The official asked tiredly.

Roy smiled, he was prepared for that question, "The right to continue with the vertically challenged jokes as well as, at least triple of what I gave Ed before. Oh and his never ending obedience to my command. That means, reports being turned in on time, orders followed without incident etc."

Ed was about to punch the General's smirk off his face, but was held back by Al. How Al had gotten there that fast he had no clue, but he sure did want to punch Mustang's lights out right now, and no one was going to stop him. Well, apparently no one but Al.

Once Al got his body back, Ed had grown a few, but he was only about 5 feet. 5 feet was still enough for Mustang to joke.

"Ed, You have a choice. Mustang gets his right of the short jokes back, or you must serve under him with no complaints. You owe double what he paid you." The official decided.

The official just wanted this to end as quickly as possible, but as he saw with Ed's request, it was a bit too much. He looked at Ed's face and saw the turmoil.

'Stupid officials. Short jokes or obedience…I'll take neither thank you…' Ed thought. He suddenly had an idea, and wondered if it would work. He turned to the official and asked, "What if I just pay him the triple amount that he asked for and leave everything else the way it was?"

The official thought about this for a moment.

_If you stand me up on a date  
If you deliver my pizza 30 seconds late_

_I'm gonna sue, sue  
Yes, I'm gonna sue  
Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do  
I'm gonna sue, sue  
Yes, I'm gonna sue  
Sue, sue, yeah I might even sue you!_

After a while the Official looked at Ed, "I'm sorry Major Elric, It's either my terms or prison for a day or two."

Giving the official a glare that could kill, 10 times over even, he went back to his thoughts. Finally after a few minutes he sighed in resignation.

'At least with the short jokes I can punch him in the face and not have to suffer for it.' He thought. It was the best he could do.

"Fine. He can have his rights to the jokes back. And his money." Ed stated, sighing in somewhat defeat as he handed Roy the double amount.

Ed walked out in a gloomy mood and went straight to his room. Roy walked out of the room with a slight bounce in his step. He had outwitted Fullmetal, the child prodigy. Since he was in a happy mood, he decided that he'd complete his work and leave early to celebrate. It was time anyway.

'Oh yeah, I won that one. He can't say it was even. I won that one fair and square.' Mustang thought as he finished the last piece of paper.

Owari (at least for this lawsuit _**grins**_)

EEK: Hope you guys enjoyed. Review please!

Oh yeah, and the part where Ed says "..there's actually a valid reason for that" that is actually a theory that Ed tosses out in the manga, just something about why he's short and his theory dealing with Al in armor.


End file.
